This morning, circumstances beyond my control landed me on the computer, in front of Blue Circle Press for the first time in more than a year.
You may notice I now actually OWN a blue circle- it's the drum under my arm in the picture, made for me by Scotty Ravendancer, who didn't even know about the blue circle thing at the time he made it. In the picture I am collecting nature bits to use for ceremonially significant decor.
An odd string of circumstances brought me to this moment. A person who is funny and also well-read, and whom I enjoy and admire (anyone who has written a book for 'tweens, about permaculture and sustainability is a winner in my world- plus if they are funny on top of it...) said to me about two weeks ago, "You would like Hyperbole and a Half, you should look it up". This coming from a person whose recommendations about what I would find enjoyable or amusing are always spot-on.
So, early the next morning I googled the hyperbole entity and encountered a post called "Menace", about a wee child's discovery of absolute power, bestowed by a dinosaur costume but blamed by external forces (read: adults) on sugar surges. Being new to the blog I had no gender context for the child in the costume, but identified absolutely with the side-splitting hysterics that come from calling our crazy out onto the page. Like a play-by-play of "what-goes-on-in-that-head-of-yours", telling our "deep/dark" stories out loud and in full color often results in really, really funny stuff that just is really not-so-funny when it's happening.
On with the narrative: So, later I ran into the neighbor above me, whom I suspect I woke with my guffaws and can't-stop-laughing-to-breathe antics. I said to her, "This morning I found a really funny- um, kind of a blog, kind of drawing, cartoonish but not..." and she interrupted me, saying, "Hyperbole and a Half?". Apparently the kind of laughter that awoke her is a very specific kind of laughter, induced by initial exposure to the humor of Allie Brosh. Amazed (but not as amazed as I was to be later) that she picked HaaH out of all the funny things in the universe that I DID know about the day before, I said yes. She proceeded to tell me all about how Allie started a blog in 2009 and then disappeared for about a year and a half, returning only very recently with posts about her very real struggles with depression during the time of her absence.
WOW
striking a chord, striking a chord, striking a chord...
While it's not exactly Depression per-se that is at the root of my absence, it has been a spiraling sort of frenzy of all-the-other-things-that-somehow-become-more-important-than-doing-the-thing-that-makes-you-feel-like-you...
you know, work, building that home business, figuring out all the FREAKING TECHNOLOGY (yes I am kind of yelling, because my brain is not build for the technology and sometimes it completely short-circuits me)...
It's also got to do with the fact that there was a very strange dynamic between me and the person "in charge" of the writers' challenge that had me so up-and-at-'em a couple of years ago- so strange that, when the challenge ended and an exclusive group of members were invited to participate in an intensified experience, I had to seriously examine whether it was a good idea for me and this person to work together- especially considering I did not know whether THEY knew how strange our dynamic was (the relative anonymity of cyber-networking does have some dark twists in it).
I spent a great deal of time trying to figure out if it was kind, appropriate, and supportive to participate in something so personal and intensive with someone who was on the verge of doing something big for themselves, if my presence (and the potential weirdness that would come with it) would impact them or me in a negative way. I tried really, really hard to be compassionate and real and consider it from all angles, and even reached out with a "would this be doable for you or would it be too weird?" sort of email.
Turns out they did know who I was, had known all along, and they were really a gross kind of a jerk about it, which soured my taste for the whole blogging experience, especially knowing that person was/is part of my "audience".
ANYWAY!
Knowing what I know now of Hyperbole and a Half (so funny it's even abbreviated "HaaH"), I was compelled to start back at the beginning, 2009. Halfway through reading the posts for December of that year, I found myself suddenly lurching out of bed toward my computer because my phone (on which I'm reading the blog) won't let me comment.
I want to put a comment on her blog that says something like "I have a really funny story about taking a bus from Couer d'Alene Idaho too... how is that even possible?" (It was really a bus TO Cd'A, but it was going the wrong way and I fell asleep and so didn't know the bus was going the wrong way until I woke up halfway to Coulee Dam - which apparently sounded like "Coeur d'Alene" to the driver... which is how I lost my job at Cloud 9, which is the original name of the restaurant -now called The Beverly- at the top of the Coeur d'Alene resort, when I was 17.)... the rest of the story sits waiting for another time (did I really think I could sleep unnoticed in the phone booth in Wilbur, Washington, waiting until morning for the bus going the right way?)...
Knowing that Allie gets comments that are "blog length" anyway, and that I was about to write one, I figured I'd just dust off the old blue circle and give it another whack.
After all, times are different now and I'm a different person now, and I know more about the rhythm of my manic-productive-episodes and what exactly a brain like mine needs and expects of me, so...
Here's to forging a new path, to routines (especially the morning kind!) and to finding humor where it lurks in the recesses of the mind (ever wonder why the wrinkles in the brain are called "convolutions"? Wonder No More).
Oh. And. When I made my way to the HaaH facebook page, there was one person I know who had already "liked" it before I even knew it existed: the person I call my "child" even though I did not give birth to them, and even though they are now nearly 23 years old. It just keeps getting better.
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